Like my God, I accept adoration lovingly.  

Like my God, I accept hatred lovingly.  

I see no difference in the two, for in both someone thinks of me and I smile.

When one’s shadow grows larger than oneself, one should understand that not much time remains before the sunset.

I resign myself to silence, save this passing echo slipping (dripping) through my undulous ribs. This is my decision.

“How is Sonora doing?” she asked.

“We don’t talk any more, unfortunately,” I replied.

“Oh, she must be busy: school ending, and college stuff.  Oh—wait, she’s going to Europe, that’s right.  And, you were too busy with finals to talk to her, of course.”

“Yes, she is.  We … just don’t talk any more.”

“Oh, I see.  Well, hopefully once she’s done with everything you’ll be able to talk with her again.  She is your closest friend, after all.  I’m sure you both want to catch up.”

“Yeah.  Maybe.  We just stopped talking, you know?  We’ll see.”

[tangent]

“Well, you see, Mum, it was a bit more than that.  She… somewhat fell completely in love with me.  It was very obvious after a while.”

“See?  I told you, didn’t I?  The girls of this nation are as such,” she said calmly.

“At first, I allowed it.  I figured it was a small crush which would disappear.  So, I let it happen.  I didn’t want to lose her as a friend, or embarrass her, and considering [another girl], I knew that this was dangerous.  And, we are very close, as you know—”

“Yes, I know.”

“—so I figured it would all be fine.  So we had our fun.”

“The thing about love is as such: if even a beggar on the street comes in front of a street dog every day, he shall grow fond of the dog as well.  We confuse affection for love all the time.  But, go ahead, beta [son].”

“Everything was going fine, until she told me that she was gay.”

“She’s gay?!” she whispered, as if some nonexistent entity could hear.

“Well, no!  Well, maybe.  I don’t exactly understand it.  She likes guys, but she finds women pretty or beautiful, too.  She’s an artist.  They’re all wackos.” 

“Does she —”

“No.  Whatever you’re thinking, no.  She’s a good person.  Albeit an idiot, she’s still a wonderful person.  Considering how bad she could have been, she’s very good.” 

“Yes, she’s a sweet girl.”

“I think it all has to do with her being rejected from MIT, actually.  Around the time she would have received her letter, she went slightly crazy.”

“Ah,” she exhaled, disdainfully.  ”She comes from a broken home, so it makes sense.  How I cheered you up when you were rejected from UCLA?  It’s a very important thing.”

“It’s not her fault, yeah.  So, anyway, around finals time, she said all this, and I replied, ‘You chose this.  This relationship is all your doing, and you’re telling me this now?’  I went crazy too.”

“Well, of course.  Someone whom you have grown to trust, whom you tell your most precious thoughts, whom you expect to stay, suddenly just backs away — of course you’d be crushed.  And, she did it right before finals.  You’re not in your right mind at that time anyway.  It’s just immaturity, beta. Any good friend of yours in college would have been considerate.”

“And, I — the one whom she said could vent at her about anything — vented at her.  I mean, I figured she would understand.  But, instead she told her parents that ‘I don’t love him any more, and he’s still pursuing me.’”

My mum didn’t have a fit, surprisingly.  She was very calm.

“So her parents don’t want me talking to her any more, of course.  They probably think I’m a terrible person.”

“Mhmm.”

“And I told her, ‘First of all, if your parents don’t want me talking to you, fine.  Secondly, I haven’t done anything wrong to you.’  They’re her parents, Mum.  And I’m being honest when I say I haven’t done anything wrong.  I’m not some crazed stalker, as they probably think.  It all happened for the best, ultimately.”  I smiled. “I wouldn’t have been able to break off with her, for that would have hurt her.  So, fate made her parents force her.  It’s okay.”

“No, you haven’t done anything wrong.  I know you well.  Sonora knows you well.  Her mother also knows you well.  The fact, that they would think this, means that they’re all very confused.  It’s okay.  I’m glad you told me.  I’m here for you, my lovely child.  You fall for beautiful things too easily, pure-hearted one.  All roses have thorns, never forget.”

I love my mother.  And, truly, I was honest — so all is well.  All I have done is love that stupid girl.  But, not any more.  I was pretty much the perfect companion.  I am a catch, I do admit.  I am not a cloth to be squeezed by argument after argument.  I tried so hard.  There comes a time when enough is enough, and insult to injury isn’t worth the effort.

In the end, parents are God upon the earth.  Thus, I see their guidance to their daughter as God’s guidance to her.  Ultimately, I’m sure this is for her best — and since God works for everyone, her parents’ words are in my best interest, too, surely.

The words “I understand.”

The words, “I understand,” are simple and clean.  The words, “I understand,” everyone seeks.  In daylight and darkness, the words “I understand,” always have the same meaning.  In summer and winter, the words “I understand,” give only warmth.

The words, “I understand,” speak to our hearts.  The words, “I understand,” never give us a start.  Instead, we grow for those whom understand.  Instead, we respect those whom understand.  

Learn to understand, and the world is yours.

thedailyzack:

Finally a night where I can sleep
with the windows open wide and
not feel the faintest chill

Finally a night where the sounds of animals chirping overshadows the roar of the never ending highway

Finally a night where nature reasserts
herself in my life, in the air, and in the night…

I wrote an essay about the rise of feminism in the US by comparing WWI and WWII, a few years ago.  I got a B+.  And that’s when I knew that I would never understand women.

My mind hasn’t been this clear in quite a while.  It is refreshing, as if a generous burden I held has been lifted from my shoulders, and freedom is all I’ve sought for time enduring.  I’ve returned to my normal pattern of speech, and my patience is replenished.  I am myself again, for loneliness is a great comfort.  I had forgotten the appeal of it.  

People usually inspire ennui, thus a fecund mind is a mind alone.

pseud0nymph:

            Just remember, dear,
                   no matter where
             or when you roam,
                  you’ve always in me
                         a place to call home
 

She’s one of my favourite authors on here.  A beautiful person as well as a beautiful writer.

(via pseud0nymph)